Sometimes I have a keen awareness of my imprisoned body. I’ve ignored, I’ve forgotten the language hidden in each unit of my body, my eye, my hairs, of my meat, of my skin, my face, of my fingers, my toes, for a long time. I denied listening to their voices, I ignored to respond their calling out for love, for affection, for anger, and for the loss of memories…
Does it still belong to me or not? My body and it’s connection to this world, or even to myself. Can I figure out something to lean on? Lately I was thinking of the principle of the imbalance symbolized, in a circle of 5 elements: Metal, Wood, Water, Fire, Earth, which is a cycle of creation and destruction.
I am Fire sitting in the cycle. I creates Earth, Earth creates Metal, Metal creates Water, Water creates Wood and Wood creates me… And I destroys metal and being destroyed by Water.
As in the re-writ script, I made something like myself. My interaction with these elementors in their numerous variations may help me see a certain vision. I have to express myself, and at the same time, observe myself from beside, from behind, from above, from underneath of my eyes and use my computer as companions, maybe it’s kind of partnership between technology and human.
The process of making softwares was not only a process that I forced myself to be honest and to across borders but also a trip that I re-experienced again and again my feeling. I am coming closer to my body, being acquainted with my body, again and again.
Whenever I want or don’t want, I have to perform something. Not really like a performance artist, even though I called myself a software artisan. It means I have to figure out my connection to computer science and all that stuff as well as my connection to my expressions that show up on every part of my body. It’s difficult and it would be a long wild ride.
I don’t know if I will archive something, gain and loss. The thing is maybe I feel something being emancipated. It opens an unshaped object that I would love see, touch, and go in-depth. It’s dark and cold, but also full of light and energy.